Deny Me Read online

  Luella was full on laughing and Jameson dropped his head back as though looking above for patience. And that was how our family lunch continued. Sundays were my favorite days.

  Two

  When I walked into the French Crust Café to meet Luella for lunch I saw her sitting with coffee already waiting for me.

  “Thank you,” I said, gratefully.

  “Tired?”

  “You have no idea,” I answered before bringing the hot liquid to my lips. Lu, being the best friend I could ever ask for, had already added enough cream and sugar to send me into a diabetic coma. Just the way I liked it. “I was up late last night and just woke up a couple hours ago.”

  She raised her hand to her chest in mock surprise, gasping, “Evelyn Valero! I was up before you?”

  “Only because your job requires you to be,” I deadpanned. Usually, I was up at dawn. I loved the mornings. Nights were fine too, but the way the sun greeted me every day gave me a refreshing start. But the night before I was up until three coming up with new designs. What could I say? When inspiration called, I had to answer.

  I had a contract with a fashion website that sold internationally, giving me the opportunity to showcase my designs far and wide. Being a freelance fashion designer had its ups and downs. Almost seven years out of college and I was finally experiencing mostly ups. In the beginning it was hard to get work and there would be times I had to stretch a payment for one job over several months until I landed another. The website was definitely an up. The excitement about what this could mean for my career pushed me to create some of my best work. On a whim, I had even applied for an internship in Italy under the designer, Lana. Why not? However, at some point I needed to break the news to Lu. She wouldn’t be happy about me leaving, even for a couple of months.

  But for now I needed a break from work and the ideas racing through my head. “So, how is it really living with a man? Has the glitter and gold worn off after six months? You can be honest now that Jack isn’t right beside you,” I joked. I knew they were happy, but we could always talk more openly without the guys around.

  She knew me well and just shook her head. “Jack and I are fine. And great.” Lu reached up, awkwardly placing the palm of her left hand with extended fingers against her cheek. It looked weird, but I figured maybe she had a hand cramp from working on all her science-y stuff at her job. “You should come over for dinner tonight.” She moved her hand again, stretching it against her lips. Still, I said nothing. But I did raise my eyebrow at her, letting her know I thought she was acting weird. “Jameson is coming too. It can be a family get together.”

  I had to miss last week’s Sunday lunch when I had to take a conference call with a designer in Europe. So this opportunity to get together after such a long week perked me up. But then I hesitated. Would Jameson bring his new girlfriend? My chest pinched at the thought of being the fifth wheel. Of standing by and watching some girl hang all over him while I had to contain myself and not flirt with him or make him squirm.

  But the sadness I felt at the thought of missing out on spending time with him pinched my chest.

  There was a back and forth that never went away when I was with Jameson. But the attraction never went away either, not after our grope-fest two years ago. Why did I find myself still lingering over it? We had always been flirty, but it was more of a way to pick on each other, not because we were actually attracted to one another—or so I thought. Maybe it was because I now knew that Jameson had been attracted to me the whole time when originally I thought he was just annoyed and embarrassed by me. It added a layer to complicate everything.

  Maybe it was that I compared the way he made me feel to every man I had been with since.

  Even as I pushed myself to forget him in the arms of others, I had often gone back to my own bed and touched myself while thinking of Jameson.

  And with that reminder I said, “Nah. I have a hot date tonight. I’m hoping for some hot sex to keep my creative juices flowing.” I bobbed my eyebrows suggestively.

  I couldn’t forget Jameson, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t try to fuck him out of my brain. I was an independent woman, that practiced safe sex, who needed an orgasm and wasn’t afraid to get it.

  “Alright. If you insist,” she sighed, brushing non-existent hair back from her face.

  What the hell was going on with her?

  I slapped my hand on the table, giving in to my curiosity. “Okay, Lu. Your hand gestures are creeping me out. What the hell is OH MY GOD!” The words bled together without a pause.

  She just smiled back at me for finally seeing it.

  “Is that a fucking ring?”

  She nodded like a damn bobble head on crack. I reached across the table and made grabby hands for her to let me see the rock resting on her finger. It was gorgeous. A rose gold antique band with embedded diamonds, holding a large round diamond, surrounded by smaller diamonds. Diamonds everywhere.

  My fingers clenched around hers in excitement. “Jack did good … real good!”

  We stood up and did the excited girly hug with plenty of squeals to disrupt the patrons of the quiet Parisian atmosphere of the restaurant. I glared them all down, daring them to ruin this moment for my friend. When a girl tells her best friend she’s getting married, it’s as exciting as if she was asked herself. Just because I didn’t want to get married didn’t mean I couldn’t be excited for my bestie.

  Once we reclaimed our seats, I started pelting her with questions. “When? Where? When do we get to look at dresses? Of course I will design your dress.”

  “We don’t want to have a long engagement. We’ve already been through so much to get here. We just want to get married and start our lives together.” Her eyes began to water. They had gone through so much together that this happiness was well-deserved. “We also don’t want a big wedding. Something small for just family. We talked about having a destination wedding in Jamaica.”

  My body was practically lying on the table, excited as I was to hear more of her plans. I couldn’t wait to help her make her dream come true. “Oh, Lu! That sounds amazing.” I sighed dramatically. “And I guess if I have to go to Jamaica for you, then I will.”

  “How gracious of you,” she said flatly before continuing. “Of course Jameson will come, too.” I had to fight picturing Jameson on a beach in nothing but swim trunks. Focus Evie! “Jack is going to ask Shane from the police department to come.”

  “Yass, bitch, yass!” I clapped my hands, unable to contain my excitement. “Okay. What kind of dress?” I looked her up and down. Luella was gorgeous, with a fit, compact body. Her dark brunette waves would look amazing against white, or even cream. I had to fight the urge to grab my sketchpad from my bag and start coming up with ideas right then. “Cinderella? Mermaid? Vintage? Oooo, vintage!”

  She lifted her hand, halting my rapid-fire dress styles. “Calm down, tiger,” she laughed. “I figured we could go dress shopping and get some ideas about what fits my body best.”

  “Good idea.” I agreed, nodding. “I’m just excited. Who knew I would be so excited about someone getting married?” I shuddered for effect.

  “It’s not the plague.”

  “It might as well be,” I fired back.

  She rolled her eyes. “You know, just because it ruined your mom doesn’t mean it will ruin you too. Love is good.”

  Already having had this argument before, I scoffed and continued sipping my coffee.

  But Lu wasn’t so keen on letting it go. “Why do you let her control your relationships?”

  “Luella.” I paused to set my coffee on the table and folded my hands calmly. “No one has control over me. Yes, my mom pushed her opinion of relationships on me. But she did it because she loves me and wants me to be successful.”

  “You can be successful and love someone,” she countered.

  “I know that. But for me, I can focus on me and what I need out of this life. I don’t need to take anyone else into consideration when I ma
ke a decision.” She just looked at me with pinched lips and narrowed eyes. “I love my mom. She’s given me every opportunity in the world. I have watched her dig us out of the hole my father’s death left her in. She’s my greatest cheerleader and I know she only wants what is best for me. So what, she pushes me a little harder to be better. I respect her for not letting me be mediocre.”

  “You know I love your mom. She’s always been fun. I just wish you didn’t shut down any idea of finding someone because of her beliefs.”

  “I don’t,” I said defensively. “I don’t want anyone because I don’t want a man. Who knows? Maybe in ten years I’ll finally let a man follow me around while I rule the world.” I shrugged. “Besides, if I had a man right now, I wouldn’t have been able to make the decision to apply for an internship in Italy.”

  She leaned forward, placing both hands on the table, her eyes widened with worry. “You applied to an internship in Italy? Why?”

  “Why not? It’s only a couple of months and it’s a huge designer. I would brush elbows with some seriously important people. I’d get my name out there. I don’t know if I’ll get it or not; I just got so excited about the website designs, I thought I would ride the wave and see where it took me.”

  “But Italy? It’s so far,” she whined.

  “But it’s only for a couple of months. I’ll get to go to fashion shows and I will need a plus one.” I raised my eyebrows at her. “If you aren’t busy I would love for you to be my plus one. And if you’re busy, I expect you to cancel and come as my plus one anyways.”

  “Okay.” Lu crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat. “I can see the upside to this.” She lifted a finger to me. “But only if it is for two months. Any longer and I’m hauling your ass back here. Deal?”

  “Deal.”

  On my way home, I decided to go ahead and call and tell my mom about Italy. I knew she would be the most excited about all of this.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hey baby girl.” Her voice softened when she realized it was me. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?”

  “Just calling to check in. I’m just really excited and wanted to share some possible new I may have.”

  “Well, don’t keep me waiting,” her voice rang with excitement like she was sitting on the edge of her seat. She always made my accomplishments feel like I was conquering the world. People judged my mom, but she was my biggest supporter and I loved her endlessly.

  “Okay.” I dragged out a pause knowing the wait was killing her. When I heard her playful growl of impatience, I laughed and continued. “My website designs are going over well, so I thought I would see how far I could go and apply for an internship under Lana Designs in Italy.”

  She let out an excited squeal and I couldn’t help but laugh with her. Luella was a planner and needed to be close to her family. She didn’t understand my need to take chances and risk for bigger opportunities. Mind you, her accomplishments were huge, however, they were scheduled and she knew how each one would happen. So, being able to tell my mom and have her understand my excitement, made me feel like home. “Evelyn, I’m so proud of you.”

  “Well, I haven’t gotten it yet.”

  “Oh, nonsense. You’re Evelyn Valero. Of course you’ll get it.”

  And that was it. My mom never questioned my ability to succeed. She may have pushed her beliefs about not needing a man on me, but she had also instilled a confidence that was irreplaceable. I would rather have that than a man anyways.

  Three

  Two weeks later we were sitting in European Bridal, one of the many stores in the Reading Bridal District. This was our first stop of the day, but with the number of bridal shops lining the street I knew it would be a long one. Thankfully this place served champagne. Who cared that it was only ten in the morning?

  The workers had greeted us with smiling faces, hopeful to make a large sale. They hovered as we picked out dresses from along the gray walls and led us back into the gilded cream and gold fitting room.

  The place screamed Victorian glamour with the chandelier hanging from the ceiling above the open area where brides would fall in love with dresses. Three fitting rooms lined one wall, covered by heavy rose-colored curtains. Across from them were three oversized, floor-to-ceiling, gold-framed mirrors to offer the best view of the bride.

  “Did you need any shoes or a special bustier to try on with your dresses?” the attendant asked, setting our selections on a rack outside the room.

  Luella turned to look at me with a panic in her eyes. “Shit! I forgot my bag that was filled with the stuff I wanted to try on with the dress.”

  “That’s okay. We have plenty of items to choose from that you can use for today,” the attendant spoke excitedly, probably adding the commission up in her head.

  “No, no.” Luella shook her head as a blush creeped up her face. “I, uh… I have special lingerie I need to make sure works with the dress.”

  “You, naughty girl, you.” I grinned approvingly. “Already bought some sexy wedding night goodies. I’m bummed you didn’t take me with you.”

  “It was a spur of the moment thing. I saw it when I was down the street from work and made an impulse buy,” she murmured with her head down.

  “Well what are we going to do? Do you want to come back another day?”

  “No, no.” She paused. “I can’t call Jack because he’s at work.” Lips pursed, she looked around the room as though it would give her the answers. The wedding attendant must have sensed defeat because she left us to figure it out on our own. Finally, Lu snapped her fingers. “Jameson.”

  “Jameson, what? How is Jameson the answer to your lingerie woes?”

  “He’s not at work and he has a key to my apartment. I left the bag sitting on the table, so it’s a simple grab and go.” She was already pulling her phone out.

  “Oh, yeah. Jameson in a wedding store.” I shuddered for effect.

  “Ironic coming from you,” she said with a straight face.

  “Hey! I design these things. It’s like work for me.”

  “Yeah, but Jameson is dating that girl he actually talks about now,” she rambled on, scrolling through her phone.

  Even though I knew that, it still came as a shock to me that he found someone he was serious about. My chest pinched at the idea of having a new person come into our little makeshift family. Everyone was pairing off, and eventually, I would be the fifth wheel.

  The thought made me uncomfortable, and surprisingly, angry. I was happy with my life and I didn’t want or need a man. Why should I care that people would pair off? Luella would never make me feel alone.

  “Well, more power to him,” I said with a sniff. “Hey, ask him to bring food.” Effectively stopping any more conversation about Jameson and his possible future.

  “We can’t have food in here, Evelyn,” she dragged out my full name in reprimand.

  “Just a granola bar to temper this champagne. Or else we’re going to be drunk by noon.”

  While Lu made the phone call to Jameson, I stepped into the gray-blue room. This one held all the evening and bridesmaid gowns. I grabbed a few to try on while we waited for Lu to get her sexy lingerie. I picked a few to make her laugh and a few that held some potential. Nothing compared to what I could design, but potential.

  Some would call me arrogant, but frankly I just had the self-confidence to know that I was good at my job. End of story. I wouldn’t apologize for not being meek, and I wouldn’t pretend to be anything less than amazing.

  Walking back into the fitting room, I asked, “Do you think they will be mad you’re not buying a dress? Blondie seems really hopeful; she’s got dollar signs in her eyes when she looks at you.” I moved to a room and hung my selection up before popping my head out and flicked my eyes to the entrance, whispering, “Maybe they’ll think of me as an enemy.”

  Lu looked around to see what I was looking for and broke into laughter when I whipped
the curtain away and flattened my back to the wall, making a gun with my hands close to my chest. Humming a spy song, I slid down the wall and twirled across a fitting room opening, plastering my back to the wall on the other side.

  Lu wiped tears from her eyes from laughing so hard. “Maybe they’ll see my dress and want you to design more for their store.”

  I dropped my pretend gun and whipped my head in her direction. “You think?” I knew they wouldn’t because they’d never be able to see the dress, but the idea still created a buzz in me.

  “They would be crazy not to have you! Who doesn’t want a dress by…” she paused for dramatic effect, dropping her voice to a sensual whisper, “Evelyn.”

  Pursing my lips, I nodded my head, agreeing. I formed a gun again, pointing at her, and backed into my dressing room. “Best friend a girl can have.”

  After surprising her with a dress that looked like it had escaped the eighties with its puffy sleeves, and another that was both bright yellow and bright purple with a slit up to my hip, we decided to get serious. We called the attendant back in and asked for a slip and undergarments that I may need for any dresses I was trying on.

  The bell rang at the door when I was in between trying on dresses. When I heard the deep baritone that could only belong to Jameson, I popped my head out to Lu, an idea forming. “Hey, have her ask him to come back here.”

  She looked up at me with the same smirk she had been giving me since the days of my college antics. She loved watching her older brother get flustered just as much as I loved making it happen. I closed the curtain as the attendant came back to tell Lu.

  “Ma’am, there is a man here requesting to see you. He says he’s your brother.”

  Lu played along perfectly. Peeking out, I watched her make use of her large, doe eyes and plead, “Could you please ask him to come back? I know it’s not usually allowed, but I want him to see a dress. He’s my brother; my only family.”